This is the desire or compulsion to help or 'rescue' others. The roots are often from trauma in childhood or as a result of parentification. If a child had to care for younger siblings or take on parental responsibilities, before they were emotionally ready to do so, they may carry on with this tendency into adulthood where they still feel the need to care for others overly. Helping professions may attract individuals with this mindset as they can assume the role of carer and/or rescuer. They also are more vulnerable in terms of attracting a partner caught up in addiction or someone who has narcissistic tendencies.
Ever tried to keep everyone happy, only to end up with no one being happy. Firstly someone else's happiness/contentment is not your responsibility. Helping others is a noble cause but not at the expense of your own mental and emotional well-being. You want to aim to equip someone with the tools so they can help themselves and assume accountability, not the never-ending cycle of enabling that keeps you and the other person stuck. Perfectionism and unrealistic standards go hand in hand with this complex. If not addressed, this complex can lead to a state of burnout and strained relationships. 'Heroes' can start to become resentful by always having to be the strong, dependable one and partners can often start to feel inadequate or even smothered. They may also find delegation difficult due to the belief that if they want something done right, then they need to do it themselves. This leads to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Self-care takes a backseat, and the constant pressure often begins to take a physical, emotional and mental toll.
Professional help can assist in how to find a healthy balance. Learning how to establish healthy boundaries, how to delegate and most importantly relax. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can also help address long-standing beliefs that underlie this complex, such as I only have worth if I am helping someone. We often think someone will not cope if we don't do something for them but people will surprise you, if you allow them to take responsibility for their own life they will find a way and having to do it by themselves, boosts their self-esteem.
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